Blessed

Blessed. 💙 This right here easily explain why the word blessed comes to mind. The past few days in between visitors and my family being at the hospital, as I have sat alone in the sometimes not so friendly quietness, I have pondered what one word I would pick to describe what I have been feeling. Believe me, there are a whole slew of them to pick from scared, sad, heartbroken, denial, lost, devastated, crushed….but the one word that I couldn’t shake from my head even though it sounded like the most inappropriate for the circumstances, is blessed.
This journey since January when we were given such heartbreaking news started out with so much doubt and uncertainty as to what the future would hold and if we were making the right decisions. I have to say that I am extremely blessed to have a wonderful husband by my side who has shared the same decisions with me. We both knew that we wanted to carry our precious son with us till the end so that we were able to spend that time with him and would never look back with regret or what-ifs. Sunday was scary when my water broke…we didn’t know what the outcome would be, and all I could think about was that I wasn’t ready to not have my lil guy so safe and close inside of me anymore. Add in the fact that it was two months early and that minutes after my water broke I started bleeding heavily and that didn’t stop until after the c section, it made for a super scary situation. Our story didn’t have the ending that we prayed and hoped so long and so hard for, but Jon and I both feel as if things happened the best possible. Our precious angel didn’t have to suffer, our family was able to spend time with him seeing him so beautiful and so peaceful. We were chosen and blessed to be the parents of such a sweet perfect angel. This lil guy has taught me more about strength, love and courage in a few short months than I have learned in my lifetime. My love for him and my family is completely indescribable…and I consider myself to be tremendously blessed. Mommy and Daddy love you so much precious angel baby Quinn and so do your sister and brothers!! I know that even though you aren’t with us physically, you will forever be by our sides every step of the way! Make sure to squeeze Grandma’s neck super tight and give her the biggest kiss you can for us! I’m so thankful that she was there waiting with her arms wide open for you my sweet son