26 weeks

Today was another doctors appointment. 26 weeks….his little heart beat is strong, everything good…except the fact that the fatal diagnosis still stands. At times I am finding it very tough to find the perfect balance of holding on to hope, yet remaining realistic so that my world doesn’t come crashing down on top of me unexpectedly. Last Tuesday evening two very amazing women from a group called Angel Watch, a perinatal hospice, came to our home and met with Jon and I. I was so very hesitant when they first contacted us…I felt like meeting with them was yet another confirmation that our baby is going to die. I felt a sense of guilt…as though meeting with them was a sign that I was giving up hope. Several times I considered canceling, but am so thankful that I didn’t. Another blessing brought into our lives during this time to listen to us, give us guidance and support us through the tough road that lies ahead. I no longer doubt if we made the right choice to continue on. I can’t wait for the day we get to hold our baby boy and let him how much we love him, regardless of how short that time might be, but until then I am so thankful for every second of every day that I get to carry our son inside me.